overtheyears,ineverthoughtofmyfatherasbeingveryemotional,andheneverwas,atleastnotinfrontofme.eventhoughhewas68yearsoldandonlyfive-foot-nine,whileiwassixfeetand260pounds,heseemedhugetome.ialwayssawhimasbeingthatstaunchdisciplinarianwhorarelycrackedasmile.myfathernevertoldmehelovedmewheniwasachild,andineverhelditagainsthim.ithinkthatallireallywantedwasformydadtobeproudofme.inmyyouth,momalwaysshoweredmewith“iloveyou’s”everyday.soireallyneverthoughtaboutnothearingitfrommydad.iguessdeepdowniknewthathelovedme,etothinkofit,idon’tthinkievertoldhimthatilovedhim,either.ineverreallythoughtaboutitmuchuntilifacedtherealityofdeath.
onnovember9th,1990,ireceivedwordthatmynationalguardunitwasbeingactivatedforoperationdesertshield.wewouldconvoytofortbenharrison,indiana,andthendirectlytosaudiarabia.ihadbeenintheguardfor10yearsandneverdreamedthatwewouldbeactivatedforawar,eventhoughiknewitwaswhatwetrainedfor.iwenttomyfatherandgavehimthenews.icouldsensehewasuneasyaboutmegoing.weneverdiscusseditmuchmore,andeightdayslateriwasgone.
ihaveseveralcloserelativeswhohavebeeninthemilitaryduringwartime.myfatherandunclewereinworldwarii,andtwobrothersandasisterservedinvietnam.whileiwasextremelyuneasyaboutleavingmyfamilytoservemycountryinawarzone,iknewitwaswhatihadtodo.iprayedthatthiswouldmakemyfatherproudofme.myfatherisveryinvolvedintheveteransofforeignwarsorganizationandhasalwaysbeenforastrongmilitary.iwasnoteligibletojointheveteransofforeignwarsbecauseihadnotbeeninawarzone—afactthatalwaysmademefeellikeididn’tmeasureupinmyfather’seyes.butnowhereiwas,hisyoungestson,beingshippedofftoaforeignland9,000milesaway,tofightawarinacountrywehadbarelyheardofbefore.
onnovember17,1990,ourconvoyofmilitaryvehiclesrolledoutofruralgreenville,michigan.thestreetswerefilledwithfamiliesandwell-wisherstoseeusoff.asweapproachedtheedgeoftown,ilookedoutthewindowofmytruckandsawmywife,kim,mychildren,andmomanddad.theywereallwavingandcrying,exceptformyfather.hejuststoodthere,almostlikeastonestatue.helookedincrediblyoldatthatmoment.idon’tknowwhy,hejustdid.
iwasgoneforthatthanksgivingandmissedourfamily’sdinner.therewasalwaysacrowd,withtwoofmysisters,theirhusbandsandchildren,plusmywifeandourfamily.itdisturbedmegreatlythaticouldn’tbethere.afewdaysafterthanksgivingiwasabletocallmywife,andshetoldmesomethingthathasmademelookatmyfatherinadifferentwayeversince.
mywifeknewhowmyfatherwasabouthisemotions,andicouldhearhervoicequaverasshespoketome.shetoldmethatmyfatherrecitedhisusualthanksgivingprayer.butthistimeheaddedonelastsentence.ashisvoicestartedtocrackandatearrandownhischeek,hesaid,“dearlord,pleasewatchoverandguidemyson,rick,withyourhandinhistimeofneedasheserveshiscountry,andbringhimhometoussafely.”atthatpointheburstintotears.ihadneverseenmyfathercry,andwheniheardthis,icouldn’thelpbutstarttocrymyself.mywifeaskedmewhatwaswrong.afterregainingmycomposure,isaid,“iguessmyfatherreallydoesloveme.”
eightmonthslater,whenireturnedhomefromthewar,iranoverandhuggedmywifeandchildreninaflurryoftears.whenicametomyfather,iembracedhimandgavehimahugehug.hewhisperedinmyear,“i’mveryproudofyou,son,andiloveyou.”ilookedthatman,mydad,straightintheeyesasiheldhisheadbetweenmyhandsandisaid,“iloveyoutoo,dad,”andweembracedagain.andthentogether,bothofuscried.
eversincethatday,myrelationshipwithmyfatherhasneverbeenthesame.wehavehadmanydeepconversations.ilearnedthathe’salwaysbeenproudofme,andhe’snotafraidtosay“iloveyou”anymore.neitherami.i’mjustsorryittook29yearsandawartofinditout.
